The Vaccination Fiasco (English Translation)

‘Karma police, arrest this man

He talks in math

He buzzes like a fridge

He’s like a detuned radio’

Karma Police, Radiohead 1997

Looking at the current situation regarding SARS-CoV-2, you will see a major fiasco is gradually emerging. Of course, profits are skyrocketing for companies like Moderna and Pfizer/BioNTech, with more than eight million jabs in the Netherlands alone. The number of hospital and ICU admissions is dropping rapidly and Hugo de Jonge is shouting victory, because he believes to have found the way out of the Corona swamp. The fact that numbers were dropping approximately at the same rate in 2020 without vaccination, doesn’t fit into the simple world view of this lost school teacher.

And yet…

I’m afraid people will look back and talk about this period, by analogy with terms like Romanticism and Neoliberalism, as the period of the Great Incompetence. The paediatrician Károla Illy wants to have every child over the age of 12 vaccinated, although it should be common knowledge by now that children have absolutely nothing to fear from the SARS-CoV-2 virus. They hardly ever get sick from the virus and children dying from COVID-19 is an absolute rarity. The reason for including even children in the vaccination program is to limit the spread of the virus. This theory would be confirmed by some observational studies, like this one for example (1). After 14 days, the study did show a sensational decrease in the number of infections. The fact that this drop was seen in both the vaccinated and the unvaccinated group, didn’t seem to bother people too much. The conclusions of these studies only amount to vague descriptions with words like ‘might’ and ‘suggest’; how can you explain decreased transmission in the vaccinated group after only one jab? You would at least expect a delay on this effect. In my opinion, these studies provide a rather skimpy basis for vaccinating millions of children who have nothing to fear from the SARS-CoV-2 virus, as has been said and proven countless times. This is why the balance between pros and cons can only turn out negative for children.

Furthermore, we are dealing with a vaccination technique that has never been used before and we have no idea what the long term effects will be. In spite of all this we just go on vaccinating young people with a live expectancy of 70 or 80 years. Apparently it’s ok to sacrifice children and to let them burn on the fires of old, dry wood. You can hardly blame commercially and profit maximalization oriented companies like Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna for trying to get a conditional market authorisation for children, as for them it is simply a matter of increasing the market for their products. That’s what Neoliberalism is all about. Paediatrician Illy on the other hand should know better than to vent his vaccination propaganda like this. Unfortunately, this man is suffering from an extreme case of tunnel vision, he observes the world through a straw, lacking every sense of perspective and overview of the situation.

There are people in the Netherlands that fall into that category as well. We have for example Bert Niesters, who regrets the fact that the people of Afrika will not be vaccinated until 2023. The same goes for the people of South and Central Amerika, the Middle East and Asia, with roughly 1.3 billion people in India alone.

I try to picture a sympathetic local health service employee visiting an African person, trying to convince him of the importance of taking his SARS-CoV-2 vaccine: “Yes, of course I understand you have malaria, and I understand that it’s sad that your husband and half of your children are shot to bits an decapitated by a terrorist organisation, and that the other half is suffering from HIV and is lying emaciated in the hut you made out of twigs and muck. And yes I know that you have to walk twelve hours to get some water. Oh, before I forget, when you go on your way, don’t forget to put on your face mask. Really, I do understand all this, but hey, cheer up, I brought you a SARS-CoV-2 vaccine! I don’t think your kids are likely to die of Covid-19, nor are you, and unfortunately your government couldn’t afford Pfizer/BioNTech or Moderna vaccines, so we only have Astra Zeneca. You will probably suffer from severe side effects for two or three days. If you are lucky you will be incapable of getting water, so at least you and your kids will die a gentle death, and of course, you won’t die of COVID-19. And if you take the vaccine you won’t develop dangerous variants of the virus, which will make a certain virologist in the Netherlands very happy. Because in the end, you’re not doing it for yourself, you’re doing it to protect others.”

Or what about this resident from the slums of Rio the Janeiro, in great anticipation of one of the members of the local vaccination team, of course sent here directly by Bert Niesters to convince the local people, with a great sense of responsibility, of the absolute necessity of vaccination against SARS-CoV-2: “Yes, I know your house isn’t exactly great, but at least the bullet holes shot in your slum dwelling by the local street gang make good ventilation. You just need to duck in time, you see? Yes, of course I know that two of your children are member of this murdering gang and that they are glue sniffers and addicts of cheap crack. But just to be sure, they are wearing their face masks when they’re out robbing and murdering, are they? It’s safer and at the same time it will make them harder to recognize. And yes, I do understand you don’t have decent sanitary facilities and that you have to relieve yourself behind your slum villa. And I’m very sorry that the turds are floating into your house when the street is flooded, but that’s your own responsibility. Building your house at the lowest point of the slum wasn’t the smartest thing to do, was it? I think it would be fair to say that you are literally as well as figuratively speaking at the lowest point in your life. Don’t you think that’s funny? Literally and figuratively? And stop whining about the fact that you only have an hour a day to get fresh water and that you have to queue for hours, if you can get any water at all. That’s no big deal, just get yourself out of bed in time. Oh, you don’t have a bed, only a rug? I’m shocked. But there is some good news! God answered your prayers, because I’m here to save you with the redeeming SARS-CoV-2 vaccine. What more do you want in your life? Of course, the next time you may not be able to duck in time when they start shooting again in your neighbourhood, and you might die of lead poisoning after all, ah, another cracking little joke, don’t you think? But, every cloud has a silver lining, you won’t die of COVID-19 and we don’t have to worry about new variants. By the way, before that happens, don’t forget to get your children vaccinated, I’m sure they will find a moment, in between sniffing glue and robbing, assaulting or killing their fellow human beings. Maybe during dinner time? Oh, they don’t have much to eat? Nonsense, being a gang member they can always rob someone for food, can’t they? And you know what else? Far away in the Netherlands there’s a virologist who would like it very much if you get your children vaccinated too, because that means the vaccines will keep on working for the incontinent, demented, elderly people that we are holding captive, sorry in isolation, in our Dutch nursing homes at the moment. We don’t want them to die of COVID-19, you see? They have to die of old age or loneliness like they’re supposed to. This is really, really important to the Dutch: old people are allowed to die of any disease possible, just NOT COVID-19. Because in the end, you’re not doing it for yourself, you’re doing it to protect others. You would do that for your Dutch fellow man, wouldn’t you? Even if they’re living a couple of thousand miles away.”

I’m imagining Bert Niesters sending a vaccination team over to India, as the 1,3 billion inhabitants probably can’t wait to get their vaccination either. Like always, Niesters’ delegate will inform the population meticulously on the vaccine, and he’ll show his generous empathy with, and clear understanding of the local issues. This is all very brave of him, since he had to run for his life the last time, during his visit to a small village, to avoid being prodded in his well-fed buttocks with a pitchfork by local farmers: ”Yes, I understand you’re having a difficult time here, in this rather crowded, run-down area of Delhi. What are you telling me? You’ve just been away to visit your family? That must have been quite a walk with your kids, wouldn’t it? You did bring a bottle of water on your way, I hope? I understand it can get really hot around here, and sometimes the roads become a little dusty. When did you get back? Did you have a good journey? Oh, that’s really sad, your little girl passed away on your way home. Oh well, let’s look on the positive side, it means we need one less vaccine. Didn’t you bring enough water with you? Well, that’s not very smart, you shouldn’t be traveling, unless you’re well prepared. And wat are you saying now? You don’t belong to a caste, not even the lowest caste? Oh dear… I’d better consult with Bert Niesters and your local authorities, if it wouldn’t be better to vaccinate the cows, as the are worth more than you are. If that is indeed the case, you do have to wear a face mask for the rest of your life. I heard from your eleven and thirteen year old daughters just now, that they have steady jobs, so at least you won’t be out of cash. That’s always a good thing, right? Oh dear, their boss doesn’t pay up? What a dick! Ah, yet another little joke. They are working in the sex industry, aren’t they? Being a sex slave? They shouldn’t forget to wear a face masks when they are working. Oh I’m sorry, your youngest already contracted syphilis, gonorrhoea and HIV? Ah well, you win some, you loose some, that’s life! But today is your big day, because I’m here now, to bring you the vaccine against SARS-CoV-2! I’ll leave four doses of the vaccine for your daughters and a couple of syringes. Don’t forget to put them in the fridge, so they can take their vaccinations when they are home for the weekend. Yes, in the fridge. Are you really telling me that you don’t know what that is?! It’s the big white thing, standing in your kitchen. You don’t have a kitchen either? Damn it! How am I supposed to work like this! Well, you’ll have to bring the vaccine to their workplace then, won’t you. And I think it won’t be any trouble for you to walk a few extra miles to get yourself tested in our health centre, since you’re already on your way. You don’t want to be infecting other people now, do you. And yes, even the youngest needs to be vaccinated. As her immune system isn’t working too good anymore, the risk of creating all kinds of variants is even bigger in her case, and these can easily spread. Maybe all the way to the Netherlands, where it may cause a devastating fire with all that old, dry wood of ours and we can’t let that happen, of course. And the same goes for your daughter too, she’s not doing it for herself, she’s doing it to protect others, make no mistake. Eternal gratitude from a virologist named Bert Niesters will be yours, so remember when you’re lying on your deathbed, that you truly showed a sense of responsibility to save those people far away in the Netherlands from this horrible killer virus.

Bert Niesters also sent a vaccination team to Yemen. That was a brave decision, because it really wasn’t easy to arrive there safely, as it literally rained ultramodern Saudi and Iranian bombs and grenades. By the time the team reached the hospital where they were supposed to vaccinate, there was nothing left but a smouldering pile of rubble. This assignment to vaccinate the entire Yemen population was no picnic. But with combined forces the team organised an improvised vaccination centre, complete with translated Dutch posters depicting the great Ab Osterhaus, the man who arranged 360 million extremely successful vaccines against the very dangerous H1N1 influenza virus, to safe the Dutch population from certain death. In the background, all episodes of Op1, in which Ab or Marion Koopmans had made an appearance, were shown on a large screen, with Yemeni subtitles. This caused a few problems regarding the circulation of people, because they just kept on watching, Eventually they decided to switch from Op1 to a crisis management course by Mark van Ranst, this would give Yemeni officials the opportunity to learn how they should deal with these pandemics. Only this created a new problem, because the mobile network was down, and the leading virologist wasn’t able to receive calls 24/7 from the Yemeni version of Op1. Of course, the vaccination team didn’t like to be called accidentally by someone planning to throw a bomb on the studio. It’s best not to know anything about these things. Eventually, a substantial part of the population thought it was too risky to take the vaccine, so it was time to fly in a special team of psychologists, who had just taken a crash course in ‘anxiety management’ from the British SAGE team. Their approach was actually really successful. First they had to look for intact houses in the capital of Sanaa. Fortunately, there weren’t many left, which made their work a lot easier. The psychologist who entered the first house immediately put into practice what he had learned: “Good afternoon, do you know how incredibly dangerous it is not to take the SARS-CoV-2 vaccine? And are you aware that by refusing the vaccine, you will form a big infection risk to your fellow man. And do you realize how dangerous the disease COVID-19 really is? If you don’t die on the spot or get admitted to hospital, you’ll probably be too tired to even go to the supermarket for your groceries. What are you saying? There isn’t a hospital nearby that hasn’t been shot to pieces? And not a single supermarket to buy any food? That’s impossible! And you’re telling me it’s too dangerous to be on the street anyway, and that that you’re not even safe from stray bullets from either the Houthi or the Saudi in your own home? Now that you mention it, your two little boys do look rather pale and skinny, in fact they are as thin as a rake. I think you really need to find some food quickly. I heard there were some bags of flour laying in a shed near the harbour, it’s quite a walk and the flour might be a little off, but it’s better than nothing. Just try and dodge the bullets when you’re out there and if you fail, you certainly won’t develop any nasty SARS-CoV-2 variants. On the other hand, maybe I’d better vaccinate you before you leave, just to be on the safe side, and your little boys too. You wouldn’t want them to infect other people before they die of starvation, would you? If we’re done, you’re good to go on the road, but don’t forget your face mask and remember: you’re not doing it for yourself, you’re doing it to protect others, in particular the others far away in the Netherlands, who are plagued by all kinds of scary variants of the virus. And you’d better believe it, because Ab Osterhaus said so himself. And don’t forget, you’ll make a lesser known virologist very happy as well, either by getting your vaccine or by dying, both will do. As long as you won’t be spreading variants, that’s the main thing.”

To put it briefly: I think the notion of getting the entire world population vaccinated is highly unlikely. A large number of countries are dealing with a few other inconveniences and problems that existed long before COVID-19 came along and chances are that they won’t be solved any time soon. Problems that are a little more pressing to the people than this virus. But hey, together we can reduce the risk of COVID-19, stay alert, control the virus and safe lives! Right?

By the way, there are actually some scientists which are looking through a slightly wider straw and are stating that the occurrence of herd immunity is highly improbable. But that doesn’t spoil the fun for Bert Niesters, whose UMCG vaccination armies are swarming out all over the world now, to perform their noble and entirely philanthropic virological missionary work. God bless their mission, and I hope not too many angry farmers will chase them with their pitchforks. Although… I might.

The egocentrism, the hypocrisy and the one-eyed straw vision of people like Bert Niesters and many of his academic kind, and in a broader sense of the wealthy western world, knows no boundaries, is repulsive and of an unprecedented, poisonous ugliness. Everything is permitted to save the wealthiest, most self-satisfied, and most well-nourished half percent of our citizens from COVID-19, the rest of the world is allowed to perish in the most miserable way.

As long as they get themselves vaccinated.